Another Year Older

When I was younger, I really detested my humble beginnings.  I hated the crappy 1-bedroom excuse of a flat we called home.  I despised the neighbourhood I grew up in and the good-for-nothing gangsters and crackpots who hung around downstairs.  I wished every day for adulthood to come so that I can leave this god-forsaken place.  Yes, I was in Singapore then.  Not some 3rd world country. 

After a long wait, I finally managed to get to university.  I must say I almost didn't made it.  First, I'm not that smart to begin with.  Second, I was not in good schools and being in the company of underachievers was infectious.  I really had to pull up my socks in Secondary 3 and 4 to do well enough to get into ACJC.  And I really worked my ass off to qualify for university.  And when I was in NUS, I studied hard to get into honours class to read History, which I've always loved since young.  

I remember 3 years after graduation was when we finally shifted out of Tanglin Halt to Choa Chu Kang.  While it was quite far away and my former mother-in-law asked disdainfully where it was, we got into a new flat for the first time in our lives.  It was a momentous moment and I remembered it was in 1998.  I was happy I couldn't sleep for days.  The expanse of the new place, the smell of the new coat of paint and the newness of it all was so intoxicating.  I remember telling myself I had finally risen from my humble beginnings and great things would follow.

That was 14 years ago, and so much happened since then.  I met my 3rd girlfriend in 2000 and married her in late 2004.  She was posted to the UK in early 2006 and we divorced 1-2 years later.  That was the worst period of my life and surviving it made me stronger and sadly, somewhat cynical about life.  I've been seeing someone for the last few years and we share the same faith and values.  As I turned 1 year older, the past seems to be revisiting me more often but I refused to drown in reminiscing about what could've been.  I want to be able to look forward to a better future.  

Not that life is bad, mind you.  I do have a comfortable place of my own and I'm getting hitched again soon.  But once bitten, twice shy, and you never quite get over the fear that something bad may happen again.  I guess we can't live life being afraid to make choices, as that wouldn't be living.  It's existing and I'm sure God didn't create us to exist when he gave us so much potential and the ability to do what we put our minds to. 

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